If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
