Blue jokes
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your laughter's melody, Makes my world anew.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I took a poo, and it smelt like you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, keep being you, let no one discourage you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Hitler blew an 11 country lead, During World War 2.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!
It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.
We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.
Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.
We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"
Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.
Roses are blue, violets are blue.
What? Ohh, shit!!!!!! I hate having dyslexia!
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow?
Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Why is the ocean blue?
A: Because the fish go, "blu-blu."
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?
Blue Jay Simpson!
Roses are red, violets are blue, Polo G is the goat, but that means nothing to you.