Blow jokes

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

How does Jesus whistle?

By blowing through the holes in his hands.

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

What did Ronnie have at Taco Bell?

A mind-blowing bean burrito.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

“They both blow heads.”

Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!