If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
A guy walks into a mosque... then blows up.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
Hurricane Irma, it blows.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
