Blow Jokes

A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.

Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.

Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?

Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?

Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.

Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.

Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.

(5 seconds later)

Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!

What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?

Puberty waits for the blow up.

Watching porn.

Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

What did the poo say to the fart:

You blow me away!

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

What did one male whale say to the other male whale?

"She's gonna blow!"

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.

Down will come dummy, cradle and all.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike? You can't get either one at home.

Why do women fart when they pee? To blow dry.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.

My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.

I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?

Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

You blow a kiss up.

Your eyes were bright up your ass.

Why is my dick like a balloon?

The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.