Birth jokes
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?
Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!