What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
Who is older than the Twin Towers?
Billy Bob the 1th. He was older than the Twin Towers. He was born 3 minutes before the Twin Towers and is still alive today.
Ever seen twins?
If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?
I watched a documentary called "Redline Carrera: Birth of the Memes." It all started with Paul Walker.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.
I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
