Birth jokes

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

Why are dogs born with balls?

They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

What [is] another name for an abortion?

Canceling your delivery.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!

What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.

A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.

Where are virgins usually born?

Virginia.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you?

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?

Because they were triplets!

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.