Birth jokes

3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?

They're cool and chill.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

Is it so? Do people get freedom?

Omega was born with Mammosbum in Mammam.

BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.

Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.

I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.

Their life is a joke.

When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.

What [is] another name for an abortion?

Canceling your delivery.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.

You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.