Birth jokes

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

I watched a documentary called "Redline Carrera: Birth of the Memes." It all started with Paul Walker.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?

"Kinder Egg surprise."

Why were you born?

Because I asked out your mom on accident.

All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...

An abortion.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.