Birth jokes
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
Were you born on a highway? Because that's where accidents mostly happen.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)