Birth jokes
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.
When you're born on 4/20/69...
Did Mary Have a Little Lamb?
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Were you born on a highway? Because that's where accidents mostly happen.
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.