Birth jokes
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
Yo mama so hairy, you got carpet burn when you were born.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
Here [are] some questions firesharky:
1. What color hair do u have?
2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?
3. What state [were] u born in?
Do not say I don't know.
You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.
Were you born on a highway? Because that is where most mistakes happen.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
I watched a documentary called "Redline Carrera: Birth of the Memes." It all started with Paul Walker.
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.