Birth jokes
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
The thing my mom birthed.
Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
I have special needs, and I was born with it.
Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
Where are virgins usually born?
Virginia.
What do Indians call their father when they are born?
Data.
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.