Birth jokes

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.

Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?

They're cool and chill.

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?

My enemy: Uh, no, why?

Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.

The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.

She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.

The thing my mom birthed.

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."

Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!