Birth jokes
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Here [are] some questions firesharky:
1. What color hair do u have?
2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?
3. What state [were] u born in?
Do not say I don't know.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
What day are twins born the most?
Toos-day.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?
My enemy: Uh, no, why?
Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.
She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭
The thing my mom birthed.
In America, mom births you.
In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.
You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!