Birth jokes

I have special needs, and I was born with it.

Boy: I'm dead.

Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?

Boy: No, I was just born this way.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.

The thing my mom birthed.

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.

She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?

My enemy: Uh, no, why?

Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.

Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."

Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?

They're cool and chill.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊

I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.

But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.

Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!