Birth jokes
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
Why was Hitler born? Because he got killed.
Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
What day are twins born the most?
Toos-day.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?
My enemy: Uh, no, why?
Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
What's dumb?
The Fetus Deletus joke!
Fucking hate that joke....
What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?
"Kinder Egg surprise."
Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?
Treon: How did you find that?!
Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!
Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!
Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!
Treon: We can't!
Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"
"It's a girl."