Birth

Birth jokes

Mistake

Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?

Teen

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

Mom

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

Sister

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

Twin

Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same.

Death

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Orphan

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

Mummy

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Question

Here [are] some questions firesharky:

1. What color hair do u have?

2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?

3. What state [were] u born in?

Do not say I don't know.

Mama

Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.

Jesus

Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?

Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!

Mama

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

Accident

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈