Birth jokes

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?

How did the orphan survive birth?

U

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈

Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?

Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!

Boy: I'm dead.

Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?

Boy: No, I was just born this way.

Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.

Here [are] some questions firesharky:

1. What color hair do u have?

2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?

3. What state [were] u born in?

Do not say I don't know.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.

Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.