Bigness jokes

A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”

What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"

"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!

Yo head so big I can skate on yo head.

I'm talking bout real real big, set a plate on yo head, charge a phone on yo head, build a home on yo head, studio wide, write a song on yo head.

Why has nobody been on Neptune? Because the wind is so big. And why the wind's so big? Because Neptune's yelling, "GETT OFFF MMY PPRROOPERRTY!!"

There was a big problem yesterday.

My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.

What do you call the worst feeling ever?

Drinking Big before Mini. :)

You're a big Z!

Did you hear the pickle joke?

It's actually a really big dill.

I ass big ass you :-)

Yo forehead so big you think in HD.

Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Once I got one so big, they were going to make 9/11 2.0!

Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"

And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"

Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."

The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."

Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"

Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."

Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...

THE END

Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.

One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.

They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.

A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"