Bigness jokes

Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.

Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.

What is big and fun and yellow? A school bus!

Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.

Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.

What is a dog that you can drive?

A big doggy car.

I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!

Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.

This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!

Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.

Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.

In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.

Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.

Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.

So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.

I have a big cock.

The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.

The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."

Yo mama has such a big forehead, she is the CEO of foreheads!

Your forehead is so big you can jump without getting hurt.

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

FREE MY ÑIGGA EDP HE INNOCENT ONCE UPON A TIME I WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND HE FARTED SO GAHDAMN MUCH INTO MY MOUTH THAT I STARTED DROOLING A HERSHEY WATERFALL THIS ÑIGGA IS SO SEXY AND I LOVE WHEN HE SITS HIS FAT ASS ON TOP OF ME TYSON U JUST JEALOUS YOU AIN’T GOT NO ONE LIKE BRYANT U RETARDED LOOKING ASS BITCH I DARE YOU TO GET A PARTNER AS LOYAL AND INNOCENT AS EDP FREE MY ÑIGGA BIG HOMIE CHEESE HEAD 474747 HE INNOCENT.

Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?

suck a big cock.

Yo mama was so big, she was the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.