Bigness jokes

Why is Santa's sack so big?

He only comes once a year.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.

How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

Why do ballerinas wear tutus?

The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?

Because they lost their two best shooters...

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.

The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.

I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.