I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer!
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
I got hit with a can of soda.
It doesn't matter, it was a soft drink.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a bottle of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate."
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
Why do orphans dip their cookies in water?
Because their dad never came back with milk. Ohhhhhhhh!
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in milk?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do orphans eat their breakfast with water?
Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
