Beverage jokes
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.
Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!
Why do orphans always have water with their cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk!
My dad went to go get milk.
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
Yo mama is so dumb that she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
How does Jesus make tea? Hebrews it.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.