Beverage jokes

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal?

Because the dad never came back with the cow.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."

The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

How do you call a very good lemonade?

Fantatastic!

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

What kind of tea is really hard to swallow? Reality.

Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.

Yo mama so stupid. She thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

What do an M&M and juice have in common?

Window.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?

'Cause their dad never came back with it.

White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?

Your mama's so stupid that she went on to hike Mountain Dew...

What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?

Barlos.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Would you like some wine with those French cries?