I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
Why do physically challenged gay men suck dick better than females who are able-bodied and heterosexual?
Because physically challenged gay men do it best! π π ππ π π πͺ πͺ π₯° π π π π π π β€οΈ π β£οΈ π π
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. π π π π (no offense)
(To circumcised people)
What is better than a paralympic gold medal?? Walkingπππ
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4 LIKE: When youβre playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say βThis boy always had a fat assβ. DISLIKE: When youβre hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: βHEY SIRIβ
Vote for the better joke, Semifinals are later or tomorrow
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.
Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because Iβm not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I donβt care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Whyβd you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.
I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kidβs sketchers light up. DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think youβre gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. π
Vote for the better joke
Itβs disappointing that Los Angeles doesnβt offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
