What is better than a paralympic gold medal?? Walkingđđđ
Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4 LIKE: When youâre playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say âThis boy always had a fat assâ. DISLIKE: When youâre hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: âHEY SIRIâ
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A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, "there is a zebra crossing up the road", he said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am".
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So there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here so take your drink, mates and fuck off." He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense." replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, He's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!". He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink he opens with, "Say aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.
Unknown be like: Wah wah I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better...what a shame.
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What did the watch say to the failing watch company? - You better watch it
As an honest Penaldo fan I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona. I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
osmetimes when i think im ugly i just think of my sister and it makes me feel better
One day a man buys a rope to suicide, but his friend stops him. They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kidâs sketchers light up. DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think youâre gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. đ
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Itâs disappointing that Los Angeles doesnât offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
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The view is so much better without those twins covering the city
-well that was a blow up
Aren't my egg yolks amazing, don't they make you crack up. If not, I better scramble
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
