Advance

Advance jokes

Suicide

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

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  • Suicide

    So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

    Abortion clinic

    (sorry in advance this joke is brutal)

    What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?

    The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.

    Memes

    Man

    A Person that puts a RickRoll in a book is actually the hero we all needed...

    A page of text detailing the life and work of Niels Bohr, a prominent figure in physics.

    Guy

    So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

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  • Guy

    A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

    The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

    Mother-in-law

    My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

    Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

    Quote

    Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

    Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

    Therapist

    Dark Humor

    I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

    Memes

    Wheel

    Just came up with a smart new way to make jokes. Try to figure it out without context

    A screenshot of a website called "wheelofnames.com" with a wheel. The sections of the wheel contain: priest, prostitute, autistic, racist, transphobic, porn, woman, and shooting. To the right of the wheel there is a list with the same words. The text on top of the wheel says "The world stands with Ukraine". The website offers a feature to spin the wheel from within Discord.

    Community

    Yo I need a favor from someone. So my Discord logged me out and said I could only sign in with my phone number. The problem is my phone number doesn’t work. I need someone to help me by using their phone number to get the verification code, and then giving the verification code to me. Thanks in advance.

    Scripts.com Bee Movie By Jerry Seinfeld

    NARRATOR: (Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard) According to all known laws of aviation, : there is no way a bee should be able to fly. : Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. : The bee, of course, flies anyway : because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. BARRY BENSON: (Barry is picking out a shirt) Yell… Read more

    I have something to get off my chest. Addressing misconceptions and misinterpretations is crucial for fostering mutual understanding and preventing erroneous assessments. When communication is unclear or intentions are misunderstood, it can lead to confusion and hinder progress. Therefore, it's essential to articulate the reasoning behind recent endeavors clearly. Clear communication not only helps to bridge gaps in … Read more