Better jokes

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.

Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.

Please no harsh comments toward each other.

What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten!

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What number is better; 46 or 47?

I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

What's the difference between an apple and a black man?

Apples look better hanging on a tree.

How do you know someone has Down syndrome?

They're doing better than you.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?

WALKING!

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.

Q: What are women better than men at doing?

A: Winning arguments.

Q: What are men better than women at doing?

A: Winning swimming titles.

Knock knock.

Who's there? Discord server.

Discord server who?

This server is dead, bye bitches, I got better things to do than watch you sit here and type like a sloth.

Better Friday the 13th than Monday the 13th.

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?