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My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn’t hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

They say masterbation is better with a dead arm

Apparently I ruined that funeral

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

Leather armor is made of hide.

what’s better then throwing dead babe’s? catching them after with a pitch fork

Whats better than swinging a baby around on a rope??? Stopping it with a shovel.

Alright kids! Find a good places to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?

Not being retarded

What’s better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.

A guy finds a genie…

He says, “I wish I was better at talking to women.”

“Poof!” the genie says, “You’re gay!”

what con you say both at a funeral and during sex???

this whould be much better if you where alive

Teacher: where’s you homework? Student: at home… Teacher: what’s it doing there? Student: having a better time than me.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I dont know if you heard it but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I cant tell if it is metal or techno but it is more vaulable then joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

I’m better than you in every single way… I even have an extra chromosome.

22 ants were playing football in a saucer. One ant said to another one, “We’ll have to play better tomorrow. We’re playing in the cup!”

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human? Ask Boeing.

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, “there is a zebra crossing up the road”, he said, “I hope he is having better luck than I am”.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!