Miss

The Special

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children
2

Wife

Sans

My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

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Little Johnny

Anonymous

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.’’ “I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then…good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ‘‘OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!’’

3

Funeral

Anonymous

They say masterbation is better with a dead arm

Apparently I ruined that funeral

1

Legs

sans the skeletonw

i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.

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Twin Towers

Anonymous

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?

It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

Legs

Anonymous

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

3

Depression

Anonymous

if an emo doesn’t get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won’t be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

Egg

Anonymous

Are you enjoying my yolks. I bet there making you crack up. If not, I better scrammble

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Witch

SHEEEEEESSHHHH

Why dont witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on their broom

Depression

Anonymous

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think well better luck next time.

Wife

YOUR DAD

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

Sister

Anonymous

Sometimes i feel ugly, then i think of my sister and feel better

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Milk

CDR

Here’s a better version of a previous joke:

I would tell you a milk joke, but its whey too cheesy!

Depression

Anonymous

Sometimes I feel ugly but then I think of my sister and I feel better

Depression

Anonymous

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it’s working, but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

Personal

Your Friendly Cancer Kid

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great

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Puns

Hannan Janjuaa

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

Little Johnny

Xzavier

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”

Wife

Tanner Pomeranz

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”