Candy

The Special

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children
2

Wife

Sans

My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

Funeral

Anonymous

They say masterbation is better with a dead arm

Apparently I ruined that funeral

3

Legs

sans the skeletonw

i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.

Legs

Anonymous

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

3

Depression

Anonymous

Sometimes i feel ugly, then i think of my sister and feel better

Wife

YOUR DAD

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

Witch

SHEEEEEESSHHHH

Why dont witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on their broom

Depression

Anonymous

if an emo doesn’t get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won’t be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

Depression

Anonymous

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think well better luck next time.

Depression

Anonymous

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it’s working, but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

Egg

Anonymous

Are you enjoying my yolks. I bet there making you crack up. If not, I better scrammble

Milk

CDR

Here’s a better version of a previous joke:

I would tell you a milk joke, but its whey too cheesy!

Little Johnny

Xzavier

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”

9

Morning

Tyrone

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, “I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS”. Bill Says, “Ok”. The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it…It’s a scale! Bill hasn’t been seen since October 2, 2002.

Wife

Tanner Pomeranz

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Puns

Hannan Janjuaa

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

Twin Towers

Anonymous

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?

It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

Swallow

Lynn🤍💖

Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?

A. Toothpaste.

Flat

Sheeeeeeeeesshhh

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it

Why don’t witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender