Best jokes

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

What kind of dogs do miners like best?

Golden retrievers, haha, get it?

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.

What was the computer's best pickup line?

Nice bits!

My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?

No more tears.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

What is the best thing about being an orphan?

All bags of chips are family-sized!

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

What's the best part about duck tape?

It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"

It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.