Best jokes
I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.