If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
Your hairline starts at the back of your head.
Your hairline goes so far back that even Gavin, who looks like a monkey, can't see it!
I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(
Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"
James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"
Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.
"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they have to run back to home base.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
Why can’t orphans have sex?
Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
