Back jokes

"Hey Gwen, I'm back."

-Dev

"It's been so long they unblocked it!"

Hey guys, I'm back. I was grounded by my grandfather, so, yeah.

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

Nobody: The crickets in the back: Talk talk talk.

Me: JOE MAMA OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

No one has my back like my dad.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

How do you know Thor has your back?

He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).

Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

Why do orphans like cows?

Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.

Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.

Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?

A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"

"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.