Back jokes

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?

They only have a back door.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

One day I was walking next to a home less man and he was eating grass I asked him if he was hungry he said yes I said follow me you should of seen his face when I showed him my back yard 😂😂😂😂

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

Your hairline is so far back that it looks like Putin's tanks steamrolled through.

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.