Baby jokes
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
I heard China aborts 25% of female babies. That's a lot of dead 3-year-old gender-affirmed girls.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂
Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.
Memes
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because he wanted to die.
Weenis long.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
Down will come dummy, cradle and all.
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
"Dick me down shorts."
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.