Baby jokes
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?
Mama milky?
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
swim like a boss
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.
The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"
The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."
Hahaha
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.
So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."
"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."