Baby jokes
Weenis long.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because he wanted to die.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
Down will come dummy, cradle and all.
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
Recently my baby did this:
🖕🏼👶🏼🖕🏼 🎽 👖
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
"Dick me down shorts."
What did the parents name their retarded baby? Dimitri
What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
Why do babies cry? Cuz they can't suck very well.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.