Baby jokes
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
What did the mom say to the baby?
How do you make a baby cry? You punch it in the face.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.