Baby jokes
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?
A: A clothes hanger.
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.
So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."
"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Q. What's an aborted baby's favourite type of humor? A. ...
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.