Reptile jokes
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
What鈥檚 the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only have a crockpot. 馃ぃ
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they're dead.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What鈥檚 the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can鈥檛 abuse an alligator.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
I like turtles.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.