Baby jokes
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.
We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.
So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"
And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."
Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"
And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."
And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"