What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
Baby Jokes
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Yo mama is so nonverbal that she’s Boss Baby.
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.
How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!
