Baby jokes

Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.

So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."

"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."

What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?

Put the diapers back on.

What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

Q: How do you make a fire?

A: Oil and dead babies.

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?

Throwing the baby off a cliff.

While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.

Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.

How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

Yo mama is so nonverbal that she’s Boss Baby.