What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
"Stupid ass baby."
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
What did the mom say to the baby?
So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"
And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."
Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"
And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."
And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"
What do you call a baby in the crib?
Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
