Baby jokes
Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊
Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.
Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby? The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.
How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."