Baby

Baby jokes

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

  • 4
  • Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

    Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

    (AT BED TIME)

    Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

    Ben: "I'm not."

    (Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

    What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?

    I've never seen the inside of a mansion.

    How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

    I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

    What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?

    About 5000 calories.

  • 0
  • What did the substrate say to the active site?

    "C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."

    How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

    How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

    Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯

    Friend: You can have my burrito baby.

    Gay.

    Friend: *begins to moan*

    Me: Finna hang up.