Baby

Baby jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

How do you get a baby into a small bowl?

A blender.

How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.

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    • Mommy, why is my name Brick???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

    Mommy, why is my name Rose???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

    Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

    How are babies and the elderly similar?

    They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.

    I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.

  • 1

    • How are babies and watermelons similar?

    They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.

    A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

    "Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

    "We're going with Trevor."

    "Ok, what if it's a girl?"

    "Then we'll have an abortion."

    "Knock knock!"

    "Who's there?"

    "Baby!"

    "Baby who?"

    "Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"

    "No thanks, I already ate."

    Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.

    "Knuckle babies" don't eat.

    How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.

    How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.

    My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

    The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

    I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

    What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?

    A baby you cut one off each time.

    Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.

    When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

    When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.

    Down will come dummy, cradle and all.