Baby jokes
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
How do you quiet a baby down?
Make baby back ribs for dinner.
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
"Stupid ass baby."
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.