Baby jokes
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
How do you quiet a baby down?
Make baby back ribs for dinner.
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
"Stupid ass baby."