Baby jokes
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.