A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
