Baby jokes
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.