Baby jokes
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
Q. What's an aborted baby's favourite type of humor? A. ...
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.
And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.