New Baby Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby? When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

What's the difference between a new born baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but least one gets picked up.

What colour would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025

Orange bc their having a they/them baby

A woman having labor suddenly shouted; “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

What did the parents name their retarded baby Dimitri

what the difference between a abortion and a baby girl in china nothing they both die

What do you call a parent that is pregnant?

Buy one get one free

what's the same thing between a baby and a grenade they both make a sound when thrown

The bears came home daddy bear said who's been leading my porridge said who's been in my porch baby bear said never mind about the porridge who knocked the telly

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

Me: Hi Jacob Jacob: Hi Me: your parents went to jail for littering when you were born Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by god and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made. Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

What did the south tower say to the baby north tower

Here comes the airplane

Jimmy caught his parents having sex and ask what they were doing and asked if he could join because it looked fun and hid mom ask why and he replied," Well Mommy I see you and the mailman do it and when he leaves he says 'I can't wait to cum back, that was fun!' and now you and Daddy are doing it so I wanted to try!" the dad gets angry at this and scolds the mother saying, "I can't believe you did that when I was gone babe!" the mother was very sad and then the father left and went to get divorce papers and when he left the mother told Jimmy that he'd understand when he was older. 18 years later... Jimmy has a gf and asks her to call him a sus name and she says only in the bed and he agrees, later when they both are having sex Jimmy gf asks if he used a condom or not, and he said that he didn't know what that was so then 9months later she was pregnant but abortion was illegal so she gives birth and puts the child up for adoption. A few years later Jimmy has a good job and his wife now asked to have a child and then she asked if she could call him a sus name while he did he, he said sure, and on they went with their clothes off and under the sheets, Jimmy gets a call from his boss saying he needed to go over really fast it was an emergency and so Jimmy left really fast, however, his wife was very unfaithful and called in a man to come as soon as possible and then they did it, Jimmy came home after 10-18 hours and was very happy and went to tell his wife the great new, but then he heard strange sounds coming from the room and so he wen inside and was shocked to see his father and hs wife having sex, Jimmy though didn't care that his wife had cheated on him he just said, " Well baby, tonights your lucky night" and without any hesitation ripped off his clothes and jumped in the bed and they then had a threesome and the wife said she was very happy that she had been done x2 and when Jimmy asked why she said,"Well I had to dicks in my vagina and now I'm so refreshed!" Jimmy was happy to hear that and then had a woman come over so that his wife and a woman would have a threesome again and so then Jimmy saw that it was his mother and he really didn't want to do it but his wife convinced him too and so he did it and his mother was going for Jimmy's wife more and more until Jimmy no longer was in the threesome and now only Jimmys wife and his mother were doing it, this made Jimmy mad and this bit both of their boobs and they were shocked but then they pinned him down and bit his dick and then grabbed a bottle of alcohol and made him drink until he was drunk and then he started to eat their ass' and then called his father to come to have sex again and then they all had a foursome, the wife then called the police and had then all arrested and said," You all sucked" and Jimmy said," What about you too? You sucked me!" They all died of mental desires in jail. The end.

This is a very confusing story so pls don't say any non-sex things in the comment.