Baby jokes
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
How do Taliban parents feed their babies?
"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!
What milk do orphan babies drink?
Not their mom's, though.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!
I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.