ANS jokes

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.

Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?

The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.

American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"

Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"

German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"

What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?

An avalanche.

What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?

They both can't see their parents.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?

They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.

A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.

A quiet kid brings an MP5.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RCXD (remote control explosive).

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

America's funniest home videos.

Are you an orphanage?

Why?

Because I wanna put my kids in you.

What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?

She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.

Why does an orphan love to go to church?

Because they have someone to call father.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.