“I’m thinking about killing off the main character in this book I’m writing.”
“What type of book is it?”
“An autobiography.”
What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.
What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents."
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps" etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted "they're schools, not shooting ranges".
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have it's perks.... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
