ANS jokes
Tracy Latimer was described as cheerful, popular at school, and as an animal lover.
Just trying to gas her up a little bit.
What is the national bird of Iran?
An American drone.
Why is a football stadium always so cold?
Answer: Because it has a lot of fans!
What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilANTe!
What’s the difference between an Indian and an Arab?
One's responsible for 7/11, the other's responsible for 9/11.
I walk into school, and look up praying.
"Man, would be a shame if the buildings fell from an airplane."
Nothing happened. There is no God.
What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?
A surprise adoption!!
If Asians are bad at driving, then was Pearl Harbor an accident?
Once I saw a retard and an Alberta separatist having a conversation.
Well, actually, it was just the Alberta separatist talking to himself.
Is it far enough? We publish interviews with people who know a lot about real wars.
Peace: On one case, that's true, but violence is the slogan for it.
Socialism: Yes, morning and evening. So the Sorce Streftator's work must be stopped!
Maoist: Yes, I like Walken Engspert.
Anarchist: Claire, this is why we don't need democracy, I'm Das Zoe Melsen.
Capitalism: Yes, but the truth is that he is ignorant and cannot be considered as an old leader, but as an employee.
Governor: Yes, but a strong left should be as strong as Minister Janomen Vardan or Director Januso Gavrelic.
Patriots: Are there simple megalithic laws?
What do you call an alpaca of Pakistani nationality?
An alpaki.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
What would Patrick be if he was a dumbass and an autistic person?
A dumbism star.
What do you call an autistic person who is a dumbass? A dumbism.
The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."
The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."
Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
If you’re bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."