ANS jokes
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
A girl kept looking through the window whilst the boys got changed!
I, as a boy, was getting annoyed, so I found an interesting magazine in the corner. So, what did I do? Reload and fire!
I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
What's an Indian scammer's worst nightmare? Google Playstore points being redeemed.
What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.