ANS jokes
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
What's an Indian scammer's worst nightmare? Google Playstore points being redeemed.
What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
What do you call a Vietnamese antivirus scanner?
An-Thi-cho-rho-na.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite porn site?
A: Motherless.
What do you call something that eats kids?
An upset mother.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 1800s?
Master.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 2000s?
Coach.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.