ANS jokes
What would Patrick be if he was a dumbass and an autistic person?
A dumbism star.
What do you call an autistic person who is a dumbass? A dumbism.
The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."
The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."
Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
If you’re bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
Two Arabs are swapping jokes. One cracks up and yells, "Man, that joke was an absolute blast!"
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
A girl kept looking through the window whilst the boys got changed!
I, as a boy, was getting annoyed, so I found an interesting magazine in the corner. So, what did I do? Reload and fire!
I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.