ANS jokes
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Do you know how to make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.