ANS jokes
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
Big Dolly Parton hair, like an 80s prom queen!
Teacher: I was an orphan as a child.
Student: Sorry to hear.
Teacher: Is anyone missing today?
Student: Your parents.
Why does an orphanage have milk?
Because Dad never came back with the milk.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
What do you call an emo with curly hair?
Sam Reid.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked.
What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?
An eagle-lastic band!
What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
What is hard to find but easy to make?
An orphan.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
Family photo! :)
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?
The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.
Why does an orphan hate the internet?
Because he's always on the homepage.
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."