ANS jokes
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
How do stars die?
Normally, an overdose.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.