ANS jokes
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
Memes
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
What store can an orphan never find?
Home Depot.
What is an orphan's most hated TV shows?
"Family Guy" & "American Dad."
What happens if an Asian with an erection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
What do you call an emo that crossed a road? Roadkill.
An orphan tried to make an app about orphans, but there was no home page.
What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?
An emo.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.