ANS jokes
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
What do you call an abo with a shotgun?
Sir.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.
Why can't an orphan go to a family reunion?
It has no family.
Hey, are you bored? Kick an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I'd say you were the spawn of Satan, but that would be an insult to Satan.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
What do you call a movie about an orphan?
The Bat Man.
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
Why can’t an orphan make a joke?
Dad jokes.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.