Animal jokes
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.