Animal jokes
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!