Animal jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
bombastic side eye
gay fish.
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.