Animal

Animal jokes

Baby

How do you turn a baby into a dog?

Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!

Lion

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

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  • Memes

    Goldfish

    I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

    Fox

    What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

    “Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

    Cigarette

    What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

    They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

    Goose

    So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

    Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

    The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

    Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

    The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

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  • Kid

    Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

    Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

    A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

    What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

    What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

    Beef

    What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!

    Alligator

    [god creating alligators]

    God: See that log?

    Angel: Yes...?

    God: Now fill it with teeth.

    Angel: Say again?

    God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!

    Skunk

    Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?

    Because he wanted to wake up oily.

    Mouse

    A mouse is just like a ball bearing.

    Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.