What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken next to him farted.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
