Animal jokes
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What did the bull say when he went to college?
Bison!
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Hammerhead.
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."
Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"
Someone: . . .
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Eggs don’t cum.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Cow says,
"Cow says who?"
No! Cow says moo!
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
Q: What is a clown’s favorite fish?
A: The clownfish.
Why don't the giraffes go to elementary school? Because they are already in high school.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.