Animal jokes
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No silly, cows go moo!
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
What's a Mexican's favorite insect? A grasshopper.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.