Animal jokes
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
"Fish, why you no fly?"
"I don't like being caught naked."
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because why not?
What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?
Fucks funny.
What is a monkey's favorite game? A Hangman!
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
It's chocolate chimp.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Why did the duck cross over the cave? Because he wasn't a chicken.
IDK, sorry...
What's a shark's favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Moo you fine.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
I brought a cow and named him Mayo.
Mayo Neighs!
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.